I’m realizing the importance of my life journey more and more each day. My current life stage being, acceptance of oneself. True love, in its purest form, has always been within me, hell, in all of us. We, instead, choose to mask it for another person, place or thing. We allow ourselves to travel such a common road where the signs never forsake us because it’s engraved in our minds. But, if we ever decide to take the fork road to the left, we may actually find where we are going.
Tomorrow, marks my 4th week of blogging and I must say, I’m grateful. I’ve had a difficult week as I spent much of it criticizing myself. I had myself convinced I’m not a writer. Normally, I would have never called myself a Writer. I used to see it as a title that should be earned. I bring this up to explain how deep my criticism of myself goes. I’ve always been a Writer that chose to keep her words to herself. In my mind, as long as no one saw my words, I could not bear the title of a Writer. I understand now that was my personal reminder of how I saw myself, unworthy.
I’ve lived several years of my life in the “unworthy” zone. My dreams weren’t important because I wasn’t worthy enough to pursue them. I remember making a conscious decision to just fit in to survive when I got to middle school. I could not decide who I wanted to be and it frightened me to choose. So, instead, I used my efforts to highlight the beauty in others, I couldn’t see in myself. I remember always being afraid to feel beautiful because I didn’t want to take away someone else’s shine. It was more comfortable to wear the chapstick over a red lip, if it meant no one would look at me. I was taken back to those moments this week and I’m thankful to have made it through. I could have easily allowed certain triggers to ignite the simplest of reactions. I’m no longer that person. I’ve out grown quick and easy. My reactions are now transactions that can cost me.
The pictures I took for this blog was my way of accepting my worth. It took several calls, text and convos with family and friends before I even booked the shoot. It took even more convincing before I allowed myself to enjoy and embrace the process. But, I’m growing and I allowed myself to receive love and comfort from my circle. My circle who wants nothing more than to see me shine. I’ve allowed myself to feel beautiful and confident. Both, of which I’m worthy enough to be then and now. I am no longer afraid to write these words because I am worthy enough to let go of my pain. I no longer see myself as a woman with no worth but as a Queen with purpose. Her Worthiness.