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I, Speak Life

Everyday, around 5:30 a.m., God opens my eyes. The kids are still deep into their dreams and the house is silent. It’s the most important time of my day because I’m allowed to be vulnerable and to myself. It’s my time to listen to my own words. It’s my time to speak away all negativity and pour into the low energy vessels within my body. It’s how I heal myself. How else can I get to know me better without being my own primary source of motivation? I know what I need to hear in order to keep going. Each day, I’m challenged with triggers and trials from my past coming to remind me of old behavior. It’s hard to constantly be challenged by yourself. We all are guilty of it but I want to do something to change the narrative. If I see myself coming for me… It’s time to speak life. It’s time for me to remind myself of where I’m going and the greatness within me. I don’t just do the mile, I go the entire distance.

Since launching the Series, Jesus Loves Me, I’ve found myself out of alignment. Such a revelation has brought back my anxiety and this silence is my only peace. I’ve found this time to be the most exhilarating part of my day. I put my air pods on and listen to my Gospel station. Gospel music has always been my way of connecting to God. I was the kid in Church who actually loved Praise and Worship and would get pinched for giving a little too much shake in my praise. My day must start off with some sort of workout. Whether it be a walk around the neighborhood with Carter or a day like today with a quick abs and legs routine the living room. During most workouts, I’m heavy in my thoughts. This is normally the time where my mind is downloading the effects of my hearts desires. It’s the moment I listen to myself speak. I allow my heart to connect with my mind and share respective criticism. The conversation is always my heart reminding me of who God created in me and the possibilities I have not yet given myself the option to explore. During this time, I’m focused. I’m paying attention to what my heart yearns for and am honing in on a plan to fulfill it.

After my workout, I take the time to exhale in a nice hot shower before I begin my Praise and Worship. The shower is my favorite place to cry out and rejoice. Even as a kid, the shower was a safe place for me to find comfort being alone. As a Wife, it was the only place I allowed myself to cry without being seen. Today, its my place of praise. It’s where I remind myself of how God kept me through this entire pandemic. My kids, that were once unsure of themselves and uncomfortable within their environment, are now graced with confidence and an abundance of love. They needed me. We needed each other. Without this silence, the noise would have continued to blur out the sound of their cries for my love and attention. The financial struggles of my financial illiterate mindset is now being educated. The need for temporary fixes no longer become expenditures, the gain comes with the change in behavior. None of which could of happened without my faith in God. The shower praise is necessary for my soul.

Once I’m out the shower, it’s almost as if I shredded a few layers of unwanted energy that found itself getting too comfortable. It’s the moment I dust my shoulders off and remind myself who the fuck… I. Am. It’s the moment where I have a sit down talk with myself. I sit at my vanity that is made up of all glass, picked intentionally to ensure I see me. From every direction, I see my reflection. I’m forced to face myself and accept what I see. If I were to compare this moment to something, I would find it similar to a locker room huddle, during half time. My heart always pumps fast during this time. I’m hype! I see the beauty within and right in front of me and that’s when I begin to speak life into myself. I remind myself of the ancestral line I come from and how we aren’t people of defeat. I come from strength and perseverance, decades of women with courage who do not give up. It’s important to be reminded of where you come from and what better person than yourself. If you allow yourself to be free to embrace your center being and be acceptable to things that you cannot see, you will find the greatness that you carry within.

Being here, allowing myself to be present, has allowed me to experience some of my greatest moments in my life. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been and I’m on track to living a life of abundance and prosperity. How do I know? Because I choose to speak it and believe it. I control my perception on life and I have the ability to create a legacy of finding self love in healing. I’m committed to reassuring myself of my greatness because it’s necessary for my success in life. If there is any advice I would want to make sure my kids take heed to, it would be to never stop trusting yourself. Each moment you continue to live your life outside of your own reach, is another lost opportunity to be found. Always be kind, always show love, always give grace and most of all, always be you. You are capable of many things. We all are. Cheers to 2021.

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