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In the Summer of last year, I took back control over my life. I’d started construction on my body, mind and soul. It hasn’t been an easy process. I’m rebuilding everyday. The most challenging part of it all is learning how to fully trust myself. It sounds so easy but its not. We can appear to be our biggest cheerleader on the outside but really feeding all of our insecurities on the inside. This process has been unreal, almost supernatural. The moment I decided to release control of who I wanted to appear to be and embrace the person I’d become, I became free from the fear of hiding. I had to accept my past and acknowledge my experiences. The things I not only hid from the world but hid from myself. I used to think secrets were only to be kept from others. But, there’s a things we choose to deny ourselves, so we hid behind the fear of releasing it. We all have scars we wish weren’t there and have made decisions we wish we could take back. But it time I heal tho
But, if there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s being committed. In order to make these changes I had to realize that I’d never truly committed to change in the past. I had committed to the idea of I’ll try it out and if it doesn’t work, at least I tried. That entire statement of, “If you know better, you’ll do better” is such an over statement. Most of the time, we know better but are we truly doing better? And, for those of you who haven’t identified with this, I encourage you to give yourself a thorough evaluation. This won’t be easy because you’ll find some shit you don’t want to believe about yourself. I never thought I was an imposter but God knows I was disguised up as the most put together person I knew. Yet, inside, I was a total hot ass mess. I knew I had to check myself and no longer wreck myself.