Old voice notes – Dear God

Dear God,

Thank you for being so patient with me. Tomorrow will be my 38th year of life; yet, it feels like my first year of truly living. This past year I’ve spent every day seeking you and when I found you my life changed. Since a child I remember learning about you through the Church but never formally introduced. I’ve survived mostly on second hand knowledge about you. Knowledge I held onto with the tightest grip, only to open my hands to find nothing. It took me 37 years to find the strength to want change. I could no longer ask for help on a temporary basis. I wanted to find out what life was like outside of an empty grip and inside your arms.

My search to find you didn’t take long, you were never too far away and always close enough for me to feel your presence. When I came to you, you embraced me in a way only a Father could. I felt safe, loved and at peace. You knew I was tired and I could only find rest in your arms. The way you love me is unfounded. I will never understand your love for me. Year after year, I continued to make the same mistakes and tell the same lies. Yet, you loved me. I never knew who I truly was only who I chose to be. Now, here in your arms, I see a child of God. A woman who held herself prisoner to the world and now finally free from entrapment.

I’m no longer afraid to be seen. You’ve created me special and with purpose. Even with all my imperfections there is perfection. I can stand confident in my magnetic energy and smile with grace. I can stand firm in my dignity and still submit to a God fearing husband. I’ve embraced my sensitive side and no longer hide behind the masculine energy for protection. I have busted down the miles of barriers I hid behind because I no longer need them. My trust is in you. I don’t fear experience because I understand it is within my experiences I gain strength. You created me in your perfection. I am of you. For whatever reason I chose to find flaws in your masterpiece, I now see what you see.

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